Why we Need Relationships
When I first started to think about this little article, the title that came to my mind was “Relationships Matter.” That title is simple and the statement is true, but as I began to plot out my thoughts, I realized that while saying “relationships matter” is accurate, it is also inadequate. Relationships not only matter, but they are absolutely critical to our lives; especially to our lives as followers of Jesus. It may be bold, but I am convinced enough to say that we cannot truly follow Christ and live after Him without relationships.
Now, I know. What about people who are stuck in a solitary confinement prison for their faith, or those who are somehow tragically trapped in a cavern or crevasse in the ice fields of the Arctic? Am I saying that those people are unrighteous because they don’t have access to other humans? No, of course not. But beyond that silliness, what I am saying is that a life of voluntary solitude and confinement is antithetical to the call of Christ on our lives to follow in His steps. Much of what Jesus has for us to do (in fact, probably the majority) has to do with how we live before, interact with, love, care for, and treat other people. So to avoid other people, and to live as much as we can without relationship is to avoid the lion’s share of Christ’s transformational work in our lives.
Many arguments could be made and scriptures consulted, but perhaps 5 “reason” why we need relationships for a godly life will suffice. My prayer is that this will be a pebble in the shoe for those who “don’t like people,” and an encouraging and edificatory shot in the arm for those who do. Our relationships are meant to reflect God’s image and glory, they are part of our sanctification, Gods Spirit is moving us to relational unity, our relationships sum up our practical righteousness, and our relational love displays Christ and the Gospel.
1. Relationships were Designed to Reflect God’s Image
You are probably familiar with the fact that we are created in God’s image. This is most often thought of in terms of the individual, and is useful for reminding us of the value we have as humans over that of, say, a bird or a dog. However, that is not the only message communicated in that statement. Notice how God reveals this concept to us in Genesis 1 26-28. “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
And God blessed them…”
There are some key themes in that passage that we must see. First off, notice the chief actor in this text. It is God, of course. But do you notice what God is doing? God is having a conversation. And who is He speaking with? Not the fish and birds that He has already created, not the other beings who were pre-existent and had creative power (there weren’t any.) This is God, in His eternal state. The New Testament will reveal to us that God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Here, we see God interacting within the Trinity. Even those simple words fall short in explaining it. That is mysterious, incomprehensible, and mind-boggling, but important. Because God, in relationship, created mankind to be in His image.
What does that mean? Well, it means many things but one critical for our purpose here – that man, alone, does not adequately reflect the image of God. We know that, because in Genesis 2, where we get a bigger picture of this creation story, we are told that God said “it is not good that man (Adam) should be alone…”Up until this point, we have the testimony by God about His creation that “it is good, it is good, it is very good…” But now, for the first time, we have “it is not good.”
Of course, what comes is the creation of the woman (Eve) and the institution of one-flesh marriage between man and woman for life. I truly believe that this “addendum” was not God admitting error in His creation, as if He was planning on just creating one human and then decided otherwise. No, this scheme of revelation is meant to tell us just how critical it is to our image-bearing to be in God-designed relationship. And yes, marriage is first and chief among all other relationships, and it is a bedrock of society. But the principles that flow from that relationship and its importance inform all of our relationships. Mostly, that we need them.
We are created in God’s image, who is in very nature and eternal form “in relationship,” and therefore, a solitary human by his or herself does not reflect God’s image in the intended way. This doesn’t discredit or disvalue singleness which many are called to. If anything, it strengthens the value of non-marital relationships between brothers and sisters, friends and neighbors, because while you may be called to singleness, you are not called to solitude. God's very image in you creates a longing and satisfaction from righteous interaction with others.
2. Relationships are Part of our Sanctification
If a bedrock, ontological reason for relationships is the very nature of God and His creative design, then an important second question would be, what do they “practically” do? Nothing in God’s design is purposeless or just nice to look at. All has meaning and intention, and one of the purposes of our relationships is to be a potent catalyst in sanctification, that is, our growth in becoming more like Christ. Here are a few scriptures to ponder on that topic.
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1)
“For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, 10 who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. 11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)
These are just a few examples, but do you see the principles within? When someone is caught in sin, those believers around him should restore him, lift him up, and bear his burdens with Him. How can we do this if we are not around others? And if we are the one to fall in sin, who will be there to bear our burdens if we prefer solitude? How are we to encourage others with the comforting words of the Gospel if we are never with others in a meaningful sense? How are we supposed to accomplish the task of edification in our conversations if we avoid speaking to others at all costs? Restoration after sin, encouragement, and edification are means of our sanctification, and these are all means that are accomplished in godly relationships.
3. God’s Spirit is Urging us to Relational Unity
Earlier in Ephesians 4:1-3, Paul started a paragraph by saying this: “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Paul, writing by the Spirit, “urges” us to walk in a worthy manner, a manner that reflects the calling on our lives. And what ways does he say befits that “worthy manner?” The ways of living well before “one another.”
Humility, gentleness, patience, bearing with one another. Now, we certainly can display humility and patience when we are by ourselves, but we know Paul had relational application in mind when he wrote this, because the res of this thought here goes into the topic of unity within the body of Christ. And just in verse 3, we see the source of this unity. “Unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” So the spirit Urges us to relational unity by Paul’s words here, and the Spirit is the source of relational unity. Very helpful!
But there is one more aspect – we are to be “eager to maintain” this unity. Unity is “oneness” or “harmony.” Musically, you don’t have harmony with just one note. One tone does not a beautiful chord make. In the same way, there is no way to exercise and attain unity if we are solitary creatures. And that brings up a big concept, because some of us seek to maintain the “bond of peace” by avoiding the hard work that comes with “unity.” After all, you can't fight and bicker if you don't have to talk to anyone, right? It is easy to be “peaceful” when we’re the only ones in the room. But “unity” demands, rather, requires relationship. And the idea is not that we begrudgingly seek unity, but that we are “eager” to practice and maintain this unity!
Eagerness to maintain unity necessitates eagerness to live in relationship. That doesn’t mean that you need to turn into a social butterfly if you are naturally a stoic and introverted person. But it does mean that, while “keeping to yourself” might be in part your personality, it also might be in part a temptation to disobey the urging of the Spirit to relational unity and righteousness. It may be easier to just be by yourself, but that does not mean that it is always the right choice.
4. Our Practical Righteousness is Summed Up in Relationship
What do I mean by that? There may be a couple red flags in your mind in reading a sentence like that, because as Christians we often think of righteousness only in terms of “imputed” or “given” righteousness. That is, we who were entirely unholy and unrighteousness have been declared righteous before God because of Christ’s sacrifice. That is the first and greatest way we speak of righteousness, because without justification, we have no standing before God at all.
But, we cannot stop there. In fact, in Christ and walking in the Spirit, we will not stop there, because God’s will for our lives is sanctification, growth (1 Thessalonians 4:3). We know that “faith without works is dead” (James 2), so that a genuinely converted person will produce the fruits of righteousness to varying degrees in their life. We can say, then, that true and full righteousness comes from Christ alone, but practical righteousness (obedience to Christ) flows from that gift.
All that being said, what do I mean by relationships summing up our practical righteousness? Well, I say that because that’s what Jesus said in Matthew 7:12. The “Golden Rule” as we’ve dubbed it, says this: “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Jesus repeats that concept later in Matthew 22:38-40. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”
We are sometimes conditioned into thinking of God’s law as the enemy, because it is something that hangs over our heads and condemns us. And that, to some extent, is true. The law does not serve to save us, it is not powerful enough to do that, and God didn’t give it to do that. But, it does serve to show us righteousness. It shows us what God is like. It shows us what Christ is like. And according to these statements by Jesus, that means that righteousness looks like loving God supremely, loving our neighbors, and treating them as we would be treated.
It’s a big statement. If we came up with a summary like that, we would probably be over-simplifying. But God in flesh, Jesus Himself says that “this is the law and prophets.” That is, the practical summary of all the commandments and teaching in the Old Testament is to show us what righteous relationships look like. That is huge. That shows us how important right relationships are to God. It goes right back to the first reason in this article. God, by His nature, exists in righteous relationship, and He has created His image-bearers to do the same. So not only do relationships serve our sanctification, but they display it. The easiest way for us to see our progress of growth in Christ is to watch closely how we interact with, treat, and love other people. Those relationships display where we are in a nearly indisputable way. Can we fake them on the outside? Of course. But we know, in our heart, what our attitude is toward others. And God sees our intentions and our attitudes before our actions even take place.
5. Our Relational Love Displays Christ and the Gospel
These 5 reasons are not a complete list, and each thought has been brief; But to round them out, we see that our godly relationships not only serve us and other believers, but they are a tool of outreach also. To evangelize is to display Christ and make Him look glorious to others, mostly by the Word of God. But our actions back up and display the work of the Word of God in our lives, and Jesus shows us that in John 13:34-35. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Do you remember what Paul said in Galatians 6? He said that restoring a sinning brother and bearing his burden fulfills the “law of Christ.” Well, here we learn what the “law of Christ” is. The law of Christ is love for one another. We have already seen how, after supreme love for God, love for one another summarizes all the commandments. Well, Jesus meant that so genuinely that he calls “love for one another” a “new commandment.” Perhaps, the “Old Commandments” had become so compartmentalized and business-like in religion that calling this a “new commandment” is meant to shock us into seeing that this was the intention all along. God's righteous commands are not meant to be a parkway to stodginess and bitter piety, but a means to show His character and glory in loving our neighbor well,
John says this another way in 1 John 2:9-10 – “Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. 10 Whoever loves his brother abides in the light…” Yes, love for one another is so much a display of righteousness that it is a chief test of our relationship with Christ. Jesus gives us this commandment in comparison to His own love. We are to do it “just as” He has loved us, and he tells us that this commandment is not only good for us, but it shows the world our allegiance to Him. Christ is displayed, visibly, in our love for one another. To give someone the Gospel message, but then for them to see us hate our brothers and sisters, is to despise that very Gospel before them. Yes, we need godly relationships filled with Christ’s love because they display the very essence of the Gospel, that Christ loved us and gave Himself for us.
And if you’ve read all this, and see the value of relationships, but you don’t have a relationship with Christ, perhaps that is the chief call for you. The source of all righteousness and peace is Christ. He is the fountainhead. He is the creator and designer of life and living, and the creator and designer of our relationships. Would you run to Him in the Gospel for forgiveness and cleansing, and allow Him to be the Lord of your life, and your relationships as well?
Grace and peace to you all,
Pastor Aaron Frost
March 3, 2023
